A year ago (August 2023), I started my body confidence journey…
I distinctly remember sitting outside on the decking in the sunshine, staring out at the Derbyshire scenery, painstakingly writing a list of “Things I Hate About My Body”.
It was quite an unpleasant task, as you can imagine.
This was homework that my Life Coach, Jess Hoover, set me, and what’s interesting is this: I always hated my body, it just took 18 months of personal development work, and me having that final coaching call, for me to realise HOW much I hated it.
Once I got to “19 Things I Hate About My Body”, I decided I had enough insecurities on the list there, and I worked through every single item individually, letting each one of them go, and releasing them.
I cried a lot in that process obviously, but now that I’m out the other side, the only tears I shed nowadays are tears of joy and gratitude for the beautiful body that I’d kept hidden for so very many years.
The thing with MY body image struggles was that pretty much everything that I disliked about my body was all in my head.
And, if you’d told me this before I started working on myself, I would’ve told you to go do one, and that’s the honest truth 🤷♀️
One of my biggest blocks to reaching body confidence was that I had a huge fear of how other people judged me and my body.
Whereas realistically, it’s no one’s place (yours or mine) to judge another person based on what they wear, and/or what their body actually looks like.
I used to walk around ASSUMING that everyone was staring at me ALL of the time; that people looked me up and down whenever I entered a room and thought the worst of me; and that complete strangers came to whatever conclusion it was about me in doing so.
At present, that fear has almost all but disappeared.
Because I’d hidden my body away under all those layers and shapeless clothes for so long, another conclusion I quickly came to was that I realised I wasn’t being very kind to myself in the process, and you could say I closed myself off from the world.
I wasn’t happy in myself in many ways.
I was so very guarded as a person this time last year, and one way of COPING with my body insecurities was to stay as covered up as possible.
Out of sight, out of mind…
If I was sat in a pub with my husband previously, people would strike up a conversation with HIM, not me. It kind of made me feel a bit like an oversight. Like I didn’t matter. Like I was insignificant. Or, that I wasn’t likeable as a human being.
I was 47 years old when I started my body confidence journey and putting things into perspective here – that’s a LOT of years where I didn’t feel very good about myself.
Twelve months on though, I’m a much more confident person. I’m definitely more open and outgoing, and for the first time in a very long time, people actually approach me!
It was definitely hard work being vulnerable and putting myself and my body out there in the first 3 months of my body image experiment, but in shedding the figurative and literal layers of myself, it revealed a much more authentic version of myself.
AND, YOU KNOW WHAT?!
I really rather like her.
I lost 10kgs (22lbs / 1 stone 8 ounces) and through loving myself more, I’ve managed to keep that weight off.
I had a shopping session with a Fashion Stylist at the 6-month mark and now have a wonderful wardrobe of clothes that I feel excited about and absolutely love wearing.
I had 13 x painful cosmetic procedures with an Electrolysis as part of my “uncovering” process and fortunately, my body healed incredibly well.
BUT, HERE’S THE THING…
Body confidence for me was not just about aesthetics. It was MORE than what my body looked like.
I had to reach a point of surrender and full acceptance for the body that I have: flaws and all.
I did this step first by the way (that’s the “19 Things I Hate About My Body” list I mentioned earlier), and this shift happened WAY before I even contemplated needing to lose weight, getting the new clothes, and/or having all of those painful electrolysis treatments done.
What body confidence was for me was learning to love myself from the inside out, and that task took the most effort for me, no question.
In the whole grand scheme of things, I achieved body acceptance pretty darn quickly – a feat I’m still very very proud of to this day.
It’s also the reason I penned my own memoir “Uncovered” because what I accomplished over the course of a few short months was nothing short of a miracle and I wrote this book to share my story for other women just like me to learn and take inspiration from.
The other thing I realised about my body confidence journey was that if anyone had ever said (or implied) ANYTHING negative about my body, their comment meant more about THEM than it did about me because wow did working on my body confidence open me up to the world of people projecting their own insecurities onto me! 🪞
I didn’t receive any troll-like comments on social media or anything etc, but that bikini photo I posted certainly separated the wheat from the triggered chaff when it came to my Instagram follower count. Har har! 😂😂
I mean, the photo probably came out of the blue a little bit, but I was determined to do it because it’s the most “uncovered” I’d ever been since what – age 7?!
I wanted to CELEBRATE my newfound love for the very body that I’d spent 40+ years judging, criticising, picking terrible faults with, and disliking every effing time I looked in the mirror.
HAVE I HAD ANY SETBACKS ALONG THE WAY?
Absolutely, yes.
I’m only human after all, and if I ever find myself comparing my body to someone else’s; or I have a moment where I feel weird about the clothes I’m wearing; or someone looks me up and down and comments “with their eyes” – I just give myself the love and reassurance I need.
The thing with personal development work is that it’s always ongoing, and it’s sort of strangely empowering – there’s always room for more improvement and more acceptance.
DO I WISH I’D WORKED ON MY BODY CONFIDENCE SOONER?
Ummm…this is one of those questions that’s difficult to answer because whilst YES it would make sense to have addressed this earlier in my life… NO is the answer that’s coming up because I’m a big believer in the whole “everything happens for a reason” thing, and whilst my LIFE would’ve been probably quite different through my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s…
…I don’t think the TRANSFORMATION that I experienced last year would’ve been as BIG, if you see what I mean?
Also: I don’t think 20-year-old me would have been INTERESTED in “developing herself” or “working on her-self” in her 20’s so there’s that too, I guess…?!
It goes down to that quote “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”.
WHAT’S BEEN THE HARDEST PART ABOUT MY BODY CONFIDENCE JOURNEY?
Harsh truth here…
I would say that the hardest part about my newfound body confidence is having to continually observe other women talking negatively about their own body…
…I also have a hard time nowadays with women constantly comparing their body to someone else’s…
…and, you guessed it – I’ve crossed paths with loads of women who choose a life of staying perpetually stuck in this cycle of negativity.
I fully understand what work was required on my part to feel CONFIDENT and COMFORTABLE in the skin I was in, but I’m here to say it is possible, because I’m living proof of it.
Sure, we can go ahead collectively and blame the media, the patriarchy, social media influencers, and other factors like the entertainment, beauty, fashion and fitness industries…
Of course. All of these make us THINK our bodies should look a certain way etc, but the wonderful thing about personal development work is that the work starts with YOU, and it continues with YOU, and every single step that you take forwards really helps.
I believe we need women of all ages, shapes and sizes showing up and loving their bodies, wearing what THEY want, WHEN they want, really to show ALL of the women out there what it feels like to love your body and the amazing person inside of it.
Note: in this post, I’ve tried to keep the specifics and particulars about my OWN body image struggles to a minimum because by me drawing attention to them, it’s possible that YOU too will start drawing attention to YOURS as well, and that’s exactly what I DON’T want to happen here.
FINAL POINTS…
To finish, let me say a few final thoughts…
I thought that by covering myself up under shapeless and baggy clothing and wearing scarves all the time that it would make me happier – however nothing could’ve been further from the truth!
By embracing my own body insecurities and “uncovering” them for all the world to see etc, I’ve NORMALISED them and brought them out into the OPEN for everyone to see, and that’s the biggest lesson I’ve taken away from this journey.
It didn’t take me long to realise that no one is ever going to get THAT close to scrutinise the “19 Things I Hate About My Body”, and if they do and they feel the need to SAY something to me about it…
…I know that deep down – THEY aren’t comfortable or confident in themselves – and it’s generally just a projection of their own fears and insecurities onto me.
I’ve done all of the work I need to do on myself, and I now feel nothing but compassion for people (rather than resentment) when this happens.
And, although I may not have SAID anything horrible to someone’s face in the past about their body and/or the way THEY dressed it etc, the fact that I THOUGHT about it and/or GOSSIPED about it to someone else is enough for me to realise that I was the one with the problem, not them.
And, there you have it!
My body confidence journey: 12 months on.
You can read my full story in my personal memoir “Uncovered”. In it, I share the exact process that I went through to go from a lifetime of self-loathing to a place of full body acceptance in a matter of a few short months.
Working on my body confidence helped me release my true potential, and helped me achieve something personal that I’d only ever DREAMT about doing.
I hope you enjoyed reading my “one year on” update here as much as I enjoyed writing it.
If you’d like to say thank you and support me in some way, please do so by following me on Instagram, or purchasing a copy of my memoir. Cheers!
Have yourself a great day and a great rest of your week.
Till next time.
Yours in body confidence,
Claire xx
